It's not always that you get the friends you want, or are able to keep up with company. Socially, I admit that I am a partial recluse. I don't see a lot of people, and I have a few friends that I can really count on and seriously call "friends". However, in life, many people end up making "friends" who turn out to be what we Arabs call maslahjiyeen, or those who take you for granted. I have happened to have a few of these myself. There was this one case where I had a study partner who seemingly treated me as a friend, but in the end was using me for his own ends. Just a few years later, the same person unleashed a tirade at me because of a test that HE (not I) failed at. I offered the best I could, but in the end, I felt like a pawn. It's like being used... At that point, I could say I felt lonely, or frustrated.
It took me a couple of days to get this through my head, and get over it in the first place. Whatever it is, the fact that this person used me as a pawn for his own ends was pissing enough. It's just that this world is full of nice people and bad people. Let's face it: that's life. But I really hate it when a friendship turns out to be one-sided, and I hate it even more that I am on either side. I don't like to be used as a pawn and as an effect hate it when I (un)intentionally use others as pawns as well. Pawning people is bad character and in fact dehumanizing. Why is that? Well, consider first that a human being has feelings. Second, a human being is not a tool, but a living being. Reference to a human being as inanimate is degrading in the sense that a human is compared to a doormat: people are not something you can brush your shoes on, and neither are their individual dignities (karameh). I for one have stopped caring much about people who use me as pawns, but I am never going to keep such a relationship alive.
A word for those who have been in my situation: don't dare take another relationship like that again. A study group might be fine, but if it's taking your time for the sake of the time(s) of your study partner(s), end that relationship or find a way to keep in contact without overdoing yourself. If you can get something out of it as much as they do, then I commend you on that. But in all cases, stay in contact with those you can really rely on, whether it be your friend, boyfriend or girlfriend (though I tend to be skeptical on the relationship involving the last 2 categories, and that is the subject of another topic). If such a pawning relationship is alright with you, then go ahead at your own risk, but I advise you to try to minimize the number of such relationships you have: such relationships degrade one's dignity, and the maintenance of such a relationship to a subservient extent is a sign of weakness in one's character. That's why I'd rather stand proud on both feet, with not a care for those who want to use me for their own ends. That way, I (and anyone else who follows this path) preserve my dignity and my character.
However, this does not mean that you should empower yourself over others. Maintaining such a belief in humanity (yeah, yeah, I know, I know... I talk about it all the time because it's IMPORTANT) is important: be kind to others, but be wary as well from those who do not follow the same path as you do. Be straightforward in your decisions and keep your friends close. Don't choose someone who will use you, or has no feelings towards you. Such people should be avoided, but one's kindness towards his fellow man or woman, whoever he/she may be, should be applied to maintain one's character and respect.
Either way, I'm happy that the false relationships I had before are over. I am happy the way I am. I have a few close friends and many acquaintances, but that does not raise (or even lower) my status as a human being. Even without friends, I will still treat people kindly and with respect. Having friends is not a strength, nor a weakness (though at certain times, both may apply). Having friends is just a sign that people with like minds stick together. Using people who have been misled to believing that you are their "friend" is not only a sign of weakness, but of demagoguery and lack of character. So I advise you: be careful of who you're friends with, and don't end up getting used like I did, because it makes you as bad as the person who used you in the first place.
Salaam, from
Saracen :)
It took me a couple of days to get this through my head, and get over it in the first place. Whatever it is, the fact that this person used me as a pawn for his own ends was pissing enough. It's just that this world is full of nice people and bad people. Let's face it: that's life. But I really hate it when a friendship turns out to be one-sided, and I hate it even more that I am on either side. I don't like to be used as a pawn and as an effect hate it when I (un)intentionally use others as pawns as well. Pawning people is bad character and in fact dehumanizing. Why is that? Well, consider first that a human being has feelings. Second, a human being is not a tool, but a living being. Reference to a human being as inanimate is degrading in the sense that a human is compared to a doormat: people are not something you can brush your shoes on, and neither are their individual dignities (karameh). I for one have stopped caring much about people who use me as pawns, but I am never going to keep such a relationship alive.
A word for those who have been in my situation: don't dare take another relationship like that again. A study group might be fine, but if it's taking your time for the sake of the time(s) of your study partner(s), end that relationship or find a way to keep in contact without overdoing yourself. If you can get something out of it as much as they do, then I commend you on that. But in all cases, stay in contact with those you can really rely on, whether it be your friend, boyfriend or girlfriend (though I tend to be skeptical on the relationship involving the last 2 categories, and that is the subject of another topic). If such a pawning relationship is alright with you, then go ahead at your own risk, but I advise you to try to minimize the number of such relationships you have: such relationships degrade one's dignity, and the maintenance of such a relationship to a subservient extent is a sign of weakness in one's character. That's why I'd rather stand proud on both feet, with not a care for those who want to use me for their own ends. That way, I (and anyone else who follows this path) preserve my dignity and my character.
However, this does not mean that you should empower yourself over others. Maintaining such a belief in humanity (yeah, yeah, I know, I know... I talk about it all the time because it's IMPORTANT) is important: be kind to others, but be wary as well from those who do not follow the same path as you do. Be straightforward in your decisions and keep your friends close. Don't choose someone who will use you, or has no feelings towards you. Such people should be avoided, but one's kindness towards his fellow man or woman, whoever he/she may be, should be applied to maintain one's character and respect.
Either way, I'm happy that the false relationships I had before are over. I am happy the way I am. I have a few close friends and many acquaintances, but that does not raise (or even lower) my status as a human being. Even without friends, I will still treat people kindly and with respect. Having friends is not a strength, nor a weakness (though at certain times, both may apply). Having friends is just a sign that people with like minds stick together. Using people who have been misled to believing that you are their "friend" is not only a sign of weakness, but of demagoguery and lack of character. So I advise you: be careful of who you're friends with, and don't end up getting used like I did, because it makes you as bad as the person who used you in the first place.
Salaam, from
Saracen :)
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