How to Make and Sing Karaoke

Download and install Audacity 1.2.6 from its Sourceforge mirror. If you wish to export the karaoke tracks as .mp3 files, download the LAME encoder from the same download mirror. Run Audacity 1.2.6, choose “File”, click “Open”, and select the desired audio file from your music library. When the file is finished loading, click on the audio track’s option menu on the left of the wave pattern and choose “Split Stereo Track”. Ensure that the track is not playing in Audacity or any other program. Select the right stereo channel, usually the one on the bottom, and invert the track by using the “Invert” effect from the “Effects” menu. Change the track types of both right and left channels to “mono”. Play the track. If the track is satisfactory, go to the “File” menu and export the track as .mp3 or .wav. Choose a name different from the original file. Should this guide fail you, search for cheesy instructional videos on YouTube or find a $59.99 karaoke maker program from the web. Upload the file to a flash drive or burn the track on a CD using Windows Media Player, RealPlayer, iTunes, Nero, or any other program.

At the appropriate musical, talent show, or karaoke night, place the CD or flash drive into the player and select the track. To minimize embarrassment, make sure that the microphone is plugged in and working, that your throat is clear, that your breathing is normal, that spinach is not between your teeth, that your clothing is fine, and that your body odor is minimal. Don’t hold your breath. Relax. Smile. Breathe in. Breathe out. Stand straight, legs at shoulder’s breadth, abdomen erect, back upright, and pants or skirt securely fastened around waist. Speak into the microphone. Project your voice forward. Contemplate the lyrics as you sing. Rock on.

Salaam, from Saracen

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